28 April 2008

Fightin' evil lenders, to the max

The Reverend Dr. Ash Walliams, leader of the Church of Sociology, was kind enough to grant an interview to The Custodian.

Your Grace, you’re concerned about young people getting into debt they can't afford.

AW: We are, like totally getting into this culture where bitchin levels of borrowing are the norm.

What do you think of the idea that young people should go on training courses to teach them the meaning of concepts like ‘money’, ‘loan’ and ‘repayment in ten years’?

AW: That would be awesome.

Do you think this is needed particularly at the moment?

AW: This credit crunch is, like, totally gross.

But haven’t young people always had to worry about debt?

AW: As if! Some of the young dudes now, they are like, total airheads? No way do they know how to deal with paying interest and stuff.

What about the firms who sell credit to people?

AW: Those guys are just eeeww, they’re total barf bags.

Would you like to see them more regulated?

AW: I think we should, like, bring in the good guys, you know? Bring some regulators or thingy in to, like, totally audit those evil trolls off the planet.

What do you think is wrong about the way they operate?

AW: Those sharks are just way out of line man, and the people they are selling to are just dweebs. So, you know, we need to make sure we give them more information, man, lots of information? And maybe a counsellor on hand so they can get free advice, that would be cool.

Is there a bigger problem here?

AW: Like, there’s just gotta be something wrong with like, the whole planet is just built up on this spiralling credit, man — it’s like, whoa, this is out of control!

Does it bother you when people who run the banks and loan companies say they’ve never had it so good?

AW: These people are like, hey who put you in charge man?

Does it bother you when someone makes 3 billion out of a hedge fund?

AW: That is, like, totally obscene! Because, hey you know, these guys cause a credit crunch, and then it like really affects poor people the most?

Do you think we have to look at the gap between the richest and the poorest?

AW: Well dah! Coz like everyone knows it is way out of line, and it’s like totally unfair. And these people are only benefiting themselves, not others — it’s like me, me, me all the time. I see these people earning millions and I’m like, who said you are worth that much, it just makes no sense.

What about your critics, including in the government?

AW: Bro, this inequality thing is just getting way out of hand, and we gotta do something. I know some of those politician dudes say no way, but I say way! We need a whole society that is, like, confident with itself, that believes in itself?

Do you think having too many rich people breeds envy and cynicism?

AW: Some people are like, “right on, I’d like some of that” but then there’s other people who are like, “what kind of society is this, man?”. And they’re like, this system is just gross, when all these dorks and nerds get to be millionaires, why should I go along with this, when it doesn’t connect at all with where I am coming from.

Do you think we need regulation of high salaries?

AW: Like, totally.

Thank you for giving us your time, Your Grace.

AW: Later!

Apologies to: the Today programme